Thursday, September 15, 2016

No Romance Without Finance



"No romance without finance" is actually a good standard when it comes to a relationship. You can't have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money. Money will be either the best or the worst area of communication in your relationship. I know that money and money fights are a major subtle cause of breakups, not to mention the thing we may openly fight about the most is largely because men and women are different in how they view money.

Relationships, whether business or personal, need money! Money can get you relationships, but don't totally depend on money.  I'm saying money just makes it even better. If you depend solely on money, you'll lose the relationship. If you balance your relationship correctly, not only will you make money, you'll also get things that have way more value. You'll get love, peace and happiness when you learn how to work together regarding money.

Want more behavior advice like this? Get your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships today and read more of how men and women can stop unintentionally hurting and draining each other.


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Monday, March 7, 2016

Learn To Care More



When you truly care for someone, many concerns and the desecrated word "love" disappear. The word "love" can mean "lust." You should want your partner to know who you are inside, to accept the "real" you for all that you are and not just for who you want others to believe you to be. Really caring can make you become honest and direct. It gives you the courage to take chances.

What makes truly caring so great is that it gives you the choice to just be yourself. But although there is fear or concern that someone whom you really care for may change their mind and leave if you try to show the real you, you just shouldn’t bear not having your partner knowing the real you.
 
You want him or her to be happy and one way of doing that is by being who you really are. And if you guilty judging your partner, remember like you, there's always a reason why they are the way they are. Embrace our differences. Really, it's okay to be as different as our various facial features. As you may want the real them over-stand the right person will always want the real you.

Want more behavior advice like this? Get your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships today and read more of how men and women can stop unintentionally hurting and draining each other.



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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Biggest Reason Men And Women Have Trouble Communicating



Men and women relationships don't have to be in the midst of a family crisis to risk a big communication breakdown. Even a simple conversation can go awry and women in particular have difficulty realizing that this is often due to an inherent difference in communication style.

Women have a tendency to share more, explain more and describe more than men do. Men find this approach unnecessary when making a point. For him, five to 10 words is all that's required

It is not what you hear, it is where you listen from within yourself that gives doubt to the message. Men and women differing process of thinking styles can lead to a breakdown in communication -- and subsequently frustration. Simply being aware of this difference is an important step in bridging the communication gap, but to truly break through the conversation barriers you must start adopting the same approach.

Women try communicating with men or hearing the way they communicate using 10 words or less. Yes, say it in 10 words or less. And he's going to give you 10 words or less that you have to decipher and figure out on your own. However, the conversation shouldn't end there. Take that extra step to confirm the intended meaning behind those few words, helping ensure that both of you remain on the same page.

Women like you, Men change so check in with him. 'Is this what you mean?' 'Is this what you said?' 'Is this what you want?' Whatever you do, Please don't make it up for him. Simply remember, Check in, using 10 words or less.


Want more communication advice like this? Get your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships today and read more of how men and women can communicate more effectively with each other.



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Friday, October 24, 2014

Toxic Behaviors that Wear You Out and Hurt Others




Toxic Behaviors that Wear You Out and Hurt Others

Your behavior is a little thing that makes a big difference.

In my line of work, I hear from hundreds of relationship challenges every month.  Through this experience, I’ve come across scores of toxic behaviors that push people away from each other.  And I’ve witnessed the devastation these behaviors cause – to relationships, to personal and professional growth, and to the general well-being of both the individual behaving negatively, and to everyone in their life.

Let’s be honest – we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings, but many people are more evolved, balanced and aware, and such occurrences happen only rarely in their lives. Whether your toxic behavior is a common occurrence, or just a once in a blue moon phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re behaving negatively, and consciously shift your mindset when necessary.

The most common toxic behaviors I see are:

Being envious of everyone else. – Don’t let envy (or jealously) get the best of you.  Envy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  There is nothing attractive or admirable about this behavior.  So stop comparing your journey with everyone else’s.  Your journey is YOUR journey, NOT a competition.  You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself.  You are competing to be the best you can be.  If you want to measure your progress, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

Taking everything too personally. – People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.  The truth is that what people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them.  I’m not suggesting we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I am saying that so much hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally.  In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

Acting like you’re always a victim. – Another toxic behavior is persistent complaining that fuels your sense of victimization.  Believing you’re a victim, that you have no power to exert and no power over the direction of your life, is a toxic stance that keeps you stuck.  Working as a relationship coach with people who have suffered major trauma in their lives but found the courage to turn it all around, I know we all have access to far more power, authority, and influence over our lives than we initially believe.  When you stop complaining, and refuse to see yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll find that you are more powerful than you realized, but only if you choose to accept this reality.

Hoarding pain and loss. – One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.  Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.

Obsessive negative thinking. – It’s very hard to be around people who refuse to let go of negativity – when they ruminate and speak incessantly about the terrible things that could happen and have happened, the scorns they’ve suffered, and the unfairness of life.  These people stubbornly refuse to see the positive side of life and the positive lessons from what’s happening.  Pessimism is one thing – but remaining perpetually locked in a negative mindset is another.  Only seeing the negative, and operating from a view that everything is negative and against you, is a twisted way of thinking and living, and you can change that.

Lack of emotional self-control. – An inability to manage your emotions is toxic to everyone around you.  We all know these people – those who explode in anger and tears over the smallest hiccup or problem.  Yelling at the grocery store clerk for the long line, screaming at an employee for a small error she made, or losing it with your daughter for spilling juice on the floor.  If you find that you’re overly emotional, losing your cool at every turn, you may need some outside assistance to help you gain control over your emotions and understand what’s at the root of your inner angst.  There’s more to it than what appears on the surface.  An independent perspective – and a new kind of support – can work wonders. 

Making superficial judgments about others. – Don’t always judge a person by what they show you.  Remember, what you’ve seen is oftentimes only what that person has chosen to show you, or what they were driven to show based on their inner stress and pain.  Alas, when another person tries to make you suffer in some small way, it is usually because they suffer deep within themselves.  Their suffering is simply spilling over.  They do not need punishment or ridicule, they need help.  If you can’t help them, let them be.

Cruelty (or lacking empathy and compassion). – One of the most toxic behaviors – cruelty – stems from a total lack of empathy, concern or compassion for others.  We see it every day online and in the media – people being devastatingly unkind and hurtful to others just because they can.  They tear people down online in a cowardly way, using their anonymity as a shield.  Cruelty, backstabbing, and hurting others for any reason is toxic, and it hurts you as well.  If you find yourself backstabbing and tearing someone else down, stop in your tracks.  Dig deep and find compassion in your heart, and realize that we’re all in this together.

Cheating and cutting moral corners simply because you can. – Cheating is a choice, not a mistake, and not an excuse!  If you decide to cheat, and you succeed in cheating someone out of something, don’t think that this person is a fool.  Realize that this person trusted you much more than you ever deserved.  Be bigger than that.  Don’t do immoral things simply because you can.  Don’t cheat.  Be honest with yourself and everyone else.  Do the right thing.  Integrity is the essence of everything successful.

Hiding your truth. – People cannot connect with you if you’re constantly trying to hide from yourself.  And this becomes a truly toxic situation the minute they become attached to your false persona.  So remember, no matter what age, race, sex, or sexuality you are, underneath all your external decorations you are a pure, beautiful being – each and every one of us are.  We each have light to shine, and missions to accomplish.  Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side, your own special creation.  If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in.  But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.  Don’t deny yourself, improve yourself.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

Needing constant validation. – People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.  There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

Being a stubborn perfectionist. – As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend or lover.  The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  Life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing.  What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow – that perfect house, job, friend or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection.  But with a little patience and an open mind, over time, that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home.  That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career.  That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on.  And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.  It’s just a matter of letting perfectionism GO.

Want more behavior advice like this? Get your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships today and read more of how men and women can stop unintentionally hurting and draining each other.



www.boysliemendont.com


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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

How Facebook Could Be Hurting Your Job Search!



It’s been said before that what you post on Facebook can ultimately determine the efficacy of your job search—that in many cases, what you post (or even what you don’t post) can cost you a job you might otherwise have landed. Consider this, though: According to a recent study, reported by Inside Facebook, a staggering 77 percent of all employers use Facebook to find candidates, while more than 20 percent will scrutinize Facebook profiles in order to screen candidates. Given these statistics, it is surely worth saying again: When you’re searching for employment, you must be careful about what you do or say on Facebook.

What exactly are some of the ways in which your Facebook profile can impede your career progress? According to our BLMD, LLC Publishing and Management team, some of the primary problems with a given Facebook profile include:
  • You’re too negative. It’s reasonable to assume that, if you’re in the market for a new job, you’re on some level unsatisfied where you currently work, and may even be downright unhappy there. That doesn’t give you license to take to Facebook and complain about your current employer, though. Employers need to see that you can be a positive member of their workforce, and a true team player—so complaining on Facebook is a huge turnoff.
  • You exhibit poor communication skills. Do u rite like this on FB? It could be trouble 4 your job search! Yes, Facebook is meant to be fun and casual on some level, but employers need to see some evidence that you can communicate in a professional and sophisticated way. Don’t give them reason to think otherwise.
  • You’re lying about your qualifications. This might sound obvious, but: Employers will surely take note of any contradictions between your resume and your Facebook profile. If you say on your resume that you have an advanced degree from a big-name school, but your Facebook profile only lists a two-year degree—well, that could be a warning sign. This isn’t necessarily a matter of lying on your profile, either; your career prospects may be hurt simply because you are incomplete or less-than-thorough in filling out your profile.
  • You post about drinking or taking drugs. We’re not here to judge you, but many employers will look down on you for this kind of thing—simple as that.
  • You post discriminatory comments. This is another thing that may seem obvious, and you may think nobody would ever do this—but statistics show that employers routinely weed out job candidates because they post offensive or inflammatory things on Facebook.
  • You don’t exhibit true professional depth. All of these potential pitfalls might make you think you’re better off just making your profile private—but not so fast: You can get a leg up on your competition by using Facebook to share insights or articles that relate to your line of work, thus proving that you’re serious about it and invested in it. In other words, you can use Facebook as a platform for proving your knowledge and your competence—which can make you that much more attractive to potential employers.
Want more realistic advice like this? Get your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships today read more of how men and women mis-perceive one another compared to the way things really are.


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Saturday, July 26, 2014

MisPerception...





Each of us has the blessed gift of freedom to do as we wish. We must embrace this, while still maintaining the value of respecting and loving others choices as well. 

Live life by your terms. Everyone is meant to give life their own meaning. It does not mean one meaning is better than the other.

Please consider getting your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships to read more of how men and women mis-perceive one another compared to the way things really are.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Truths About Men and Women...



Are men really as obsessed with sex as women been led to believe? Do women like to make the first move under the sheets? Societal labeling says one thing, but what’s the real truth when it comes to men and women? 

With more than 23 years in private practice as a relationship coach helping clients overcome all kinds of personal obstacles and challenges, my clients have confided all sorts of deep dark secrets about their wants and desires. The biggest lesson I've learned: don’t buy into how men and women have been pigeon-holed into certain roles. In fact, much of what you've been led to believe about the opposite sex is the polar opposite of reality.

Some examples of what I will be elaborating on in the near future:

Men:
- Many men have said they don’t like to have sex every day, or as often as men have been portrayed as wanting to have sex.
- Men aren’t the cold-tough guys they appear to be. There is an emotional disconnect from their relationship when their spouse doesn’t compliment or praise them enough, thus less intimacy from the man.
- Many men have admitted they are not intimidated their spouse earns more money than they do. Men are not interested in their spouse's physical accomplishments.
- Men have secretly admitted that they like when their spouse decorates the house and even makes it more feminine, especially nowadays.  Men yearn for Miss Independant to come back to the feminine side - romance, communication, and providing extra support of him.

Women:
- Many women say they find it hot when their guy is not so stubborn and ask for help, ask for directions, and determination to accomplish something.  Though they may react frustrated, know it’s really a turn on because it shows confidence.
- Many women say they secretly like it when their men do the laundry or clean the house, even if they do a lousy job and mess everything up. It shows initiative.
- Many women have said that they find it sexy when they can make the first move and initiate sex, but are frustrated when they always want to be the dominating force.
- On the topic of weight: Many women said they want their men to be honest about how an outfit makes them look, even if he thinks it’s not flattering or makes her look big. They believe honesty says a lot about the man they are with.

Please consider getting your copy Boys Lie Men Don't - Conversations and Thoughts on Relationships to read more of how men and women mis-perceived one another compared to the way things really are. 









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